God's Ministry

Wow, what an amazing night I have just had. (eyebrows wiggling - no not that kind of a night, honestly, who starts off a blog titled "God's Ministry" with THAT?!)

I have just returned from a prayer vigil, not just any prayer vigil mind you, but one that I helped organize. You see Focus on the Family, FamilyLife and ShowHope have all partnered together to launch an annual National Foster Care Prayer Vigil. As a lay leader for a Foster Care focused ministry, of course this was something I would endeavor to involve my ministry and church in...oops I did it again (no, not the Britney Spears song) I slipped up, I called it "my ministry." What's wrong with that you might ask? You are leading it, you are investing your time, energy efforts and sacrificing time with your family, time cleaning your kitchen, time vacuuming your floors and time cooking delicious gormet meals for your husband for this ministry, why not call it yours?

Let me tell you why - because in all actuality it isn't "my" ministry, it is (as you may have guessed from the title of this blog) God's ministry. It is not through any credit of mine - or fault for that matter - that this ministry began. God did not even birth this ministry in my small, fragile, unfortunately wicked little brain. Someone else started it, I just stepped in. As is the case with most people in this world, I selfishly assumed when I began working in this ministry that it was "mine" - I had all of these fabulous ideas to help foster children and their families. I would inspire in our church a movement that would sweep through the city like wildfire - Charlotte would have a great awakening and it would spread from state to state, until there were literally no children left in the foster care system nationwide. In my head I even saw myself speaking fabulous words of inspiration and conviction, moving people to tears over the plight of these children, mobilizing people to do something, step outside of their safe little boxes and into God's amazing plan for their lives, loving these children.

Well, last night, it was made abundantly clear that I am not the speaker I envisioned myself to be. You see I briefly spoke at the beginning of the prayer vigil, letting people know what the agenda was and then giving them a few things to consider as they prayed for these children. Halfway through my "schpeal" a lady in the second row (mind you I was standing at the first row while I was speaking) asked if I could speak up, she couldn't hear me. God obviously did not design me to be the great orator I am in my head :p

In fact in the almost two years I have been involved in this ministry, none of my "brilliant" ideas have been brought to fruition. The only ideas that have worked are the ones that I have huffingly turned over to God, with the caveat that, "I can't do anything with it, if you want this to work God, then you do it!" I know now that God has been patiently (most likely with a little eye rolling too) waiting for me to say those words. My attitude of course could use some serious adjustment, but He takes His ministry back from me anyway and proceeds to work His will in it.

What does all of this have to do with the prayer vigil I mentioned in the begining? Well this is the first idea that I have wholeheartedly allowed God to "do with it what He will" for this ministry and it was a phenomenal and humbling experience for me. It is so very hard to not try to take control of things and accomplish them with your sheer will alone. Daily I found myself turning this prayer vigil back over to God.

The most humbling experience was when I realized that one of our head pastors was going to attend the prayer vigil, despite some schedule conflicts he had with it. I became increasingly anxious about who would show up. The overall reaction I was getting was, "Well that's a great idea, but I can just stay at home and pray..." (What?! Don't you people know that in all likelyhood you might spend a whole 5 minutes praying for this before the kids start fighting with each other or your spouse decides that you need to discuss the carpool schedule for the next week - NOW- or the phone starts ringing or you realize you forgot to update your blog and it'll only take a minute, etc...?) If everyone has this attitude then no one will show up for the prayer vigil and how will that look to the pastor, what will he think about me as a leader for this ministry, we'll never get approval to move forward with any of our ministry goals... And then in the middle of MY stress over MY ministry and how I will look, God very quietly, yet very insistently reminded me, that it is not about ME.

What was the purpose of this prayer vigil? To look good or to be the intercessors for these children and petition God on their behalf. There wasn't the slow splurting (yes it is a word, I just made it up) sound of a balloon deflating as I realized this, there was an audible POP as my balloon burst into a million pieces. God then graciously picked up my balloon, patched it and blew His lifegiving breath into it. It wasn't the big shiny bright attention getting balloon, I had started out with, but it was enough, it was the balloon God wanted me to have (I know, I know, it's cheesy, but it actually applies, so there :p). I realized then that if it were only myself and the pastor at this prayer vigil, God would still use our prayers. And it wouldn't matter what the pastor thought, if God wanted this ministry - HIS ministry - to accomplish its goals, then He would provide the means and the way and the motivation, not me, not any silly speech I might envision myself giving or any effort I might put forth.

I had wanted this prayer vigil to be a glorious display of people coming together for these kids, God just wanted it to be an honest display of people humbling themselves before Him, reaching out to Him to deepen their relationship with Him and to put themselves and their worries aside, to be selfless for one hour as they put the needs of these children in front of their own need for comfort and routine.

We had 20 people attend the prayer vigil, including myself and the pastor. The exact number that God wanted for His ministry. I don't know what the pastor thought, (remember, he had a scheduling conflict and he had to leave immediately after) but I do know that I am not worried about it. After all, it's not my ministry :)